I saw the little girl who smiles cheekily, who dances to Wiggles music, blows kisses to people and plays cheeky games and tricks. I saw the little girl who dissolves into peals of hysterics when her sisters entertain her, the same little girl who waves to strangers... and most importantly, the little girl who says "Mamma" and really wants her mamma.
It turns out that she's been there all along, we just needed to get her pain relief under control, which thanks to an on the ball pain team who aren't afraid to take chances and up the ante, seems to be happening.
The difference in her is nothing short of phenomenal.
She is awake and alert and interactive. She is playing games and communicating. She is laughing and joking.
Today at lunch time I was giving her a bit of chocolate custard after she had her meat and veges and she told me she wanted some in her mouth. I obliged and gave her a few little mouthfuls, but then when I started to put it through her tube again she got agitated and started frantically signing 'more' and pointing to her mouth. As if that wasn't clear enough she was opening her mouth as wide as she could and making 'aaah' sounds.
Even tonight when we were leaving Coles she was smiling and waving to strangers and blowing every one kisses.
She still has moments when she is wracked with pain and so uncomfortable, but now they are coming further and further between. Which is phenomenal, it really is... but it also makes it hard.
It makes it hard to reconcile this bright, happy, sparkling little girl with someone who is going through so much, who is suffering through so much pain and has so much going on inside her little body.
It is starting to become more and more apparent though... her beautiful little blonde curls that took three years to grow in, that I have loved so much as slowly starting to fall out. I have noticed more and more that there are stray strands of beautiful blonde baby curls falling in her wake, and really, it's enough to make me cry.
Soon enough just looking at her will be enough to scream 'I AM A CANCER KID!!'
I guess I should start investing in some funky little hats and bonnets for her! Maybe we will even get her a wig... what do you think??
(P.S. I really wouldn't get her a wig, please don't think I'm quite that daft... it would be too hard to keep it on her head! ;) )