I thought of you today...

I thought of you today...

I know I think of you every day, but today it just seems that you've been especially on my mind.

Yesterday was hard.  We went to the Camp Quality Mad Hatters Tea Party...  and I knew it wouldn't be easy, but I didn't suspect it to slap me in the face quite as hard as it did.

They have a puppet that looks just like you.  The puppet sat next to me talking to the girls...  and all I could think of was you.

It was so hard not to cry and run away.

And today...

I don't know what it is...  I think today is just a day that you've been on all our minds.

Isabella has been asking lots of questions about you.  She keeps telling me that she knows that she has you inside her heart, but she wants you on the outside as well.

Every time she says it I feel another stab of pain in my heart, because I know that I want you on the outside too.

Everything now seems to remind me of you.

We set our Christmas tree up yesterday.  We had contemplated getting another one, and then I realised that the tree we have now is the only tree you have ever seen.

We bought it the first Christmas we had you in our lives.  It has been decorated every year with so much love.  Even now, I look at it and it makes my heart hurt for you.

We still have the same tinsel that you loved running your fingers through.  You laughed so much every time you touched it.  It was so tickly on your little hands and fingers.

We got rid of a lot of the decorations that we used to have...  but if I had known that we would no longer have you, I would have kept them.  There were so many memories...  but now, looking at my tree...

There is a crown that was given to us to hang on our tree as a reminder of the princess that you were.

A cupcake, to remind us of how much you loved your food, especially your cakes.

Birds, for your freedom and your love of music.

A beautiful bauble that we bought back from Disneyland...  to remind us of our happiest days on Earth...

It is a tree that has seen better days...  it is slowly falling apart, branch by branch...  and it has seen more than it's $25 share of life...  

But it is a tree that is so full of love.

Everything in our lives seems to be filled with so much love...  just not with you.

And we miss you.

So very much it hurts.