Sunday, January 6, 2013

Happy Heavenly Birthday Baby Bubble

Heartache has become so much a part of my every day life.  I guess everything we have been through, everything we have endured, has skewed my perspective...  and everywhere I look I see sadness, hurt and heartache...

And today is no exception to that rule.

Today the world is a sad sad place.

It should be happy, we should be celebrating, we should be laughing and having fun.

We should be celebrating a first birthday party of my precious, beloved little nephew, but he was born sleeping at 35 weeks.

We are having something of a party, but instead laughter there is tears.

Instead of looking forward to many more to come, I find myself reflecting on the fact that life is so cruel.

Today I am adding a whole new level of sadness to the heartache I already feel every day. 

My heart hurts for my daughter, for missing her, for loving her...  my heart hurts for the pain I see my family suffering, my other children who still cry for her at night, who miss her so much every minute of every day...  for my husband who will stop and breathe and have a moment when he thinks of her or something reminds him of her...

And today my heart hurts for my sister and her partner and our families, everyone who was touched by his little heavenly being.  

We are having a little party this afternoon.  It is not a joyous occasion, but I feel the need to do something to mark his anniversary.  

We have a little cake with blue frosting and silver sparkles, and we have some balloons that we will send to Heaven...  and we will sing Happy Birthday.  

We also have a few little balloons that we will send to Nicola as well.   

My only hope is that today of all days, they have each other up there, they can find comfort in each others presence...

Because God knows, today there is little comfort down here without them.


Happy Heavenly First Birthday
Baby Bubble


Today should have been so very different.
Just know, we are thinking about you...
Loving you...
Missing you...
Celebrating you this side of Heaven!